Saturday, April 22, 2006

7 signs that you should STOP blogging


(1) You're posting only boring, trivial, personal crap...and your writing style is dull as you do it.

(2) You're so desperate for attention, so sleazy, and so unintelligent...you post nude photos of yourself.

(3) You post inflammatory posts just for shock value (hoping to attract readers), with titles like "Microsoft Sucks", "I'm sick of Google", "Outing myself as a _________", or "I'd kill myself but that would please too many of you morons".

(4) You decide to try to copy the eccentric or idiosyncratic business models of Post Secret, Weblogsinc., Federated Media Publishing, Boing Boing, Doc Searls, Seth Godin, PhotoMatt, or other successful, inimitable bloggers and ventures.

(5) You exploit vulnerable infants for selfish purposes, by relentlessly posting their photos, and even information about where you live and where your kids go to school, church, play, or shopping...with no regard for their safety and privacy.

Do you ignore the news reports about online predators who seek children to kidnap, torture, rape, prostitute, mutilate, kill, and cannibalize?

You think you're magically immune from these deviants, because you're on some mystical path that makes the Universe grant you special favors?

Then you're more insane than I thought you were.

(6) You begin to publish posts you know are stupid, worthless, unhelpful...just so you can display yet another in the infinite series of photos of YOURSELF! (ugh!!!)

If you must look at yourself so much, why not take up permanent residence in a hall of mirrors?

When a blog is full of photos of the blogger, we can't help but wonder when the blogger will get a life and do something beside gaze lovingly at their own unremarkable flesh.

(7) Your blog degenerates from a business or marketing blog, to a blog about one of your hobbies, or how you're building a new home, or ...and you seriously think that's okay, because "anything goes" in the blogosphere.


STOP BLOGGING NOW


If you're guilty of any of these heinous crimes against the blogosphere...

...then, please, do everybody a big fat favor, and give it up.

Stop blogging, take up stamp collecting, and delete your lousy blog. It's just wasting our time and diluting the blogosphere with pointless drivel.

;^)

[Inspired by the wit and wisdom of the Harry Potter Assassination Squad, a secret blogging cabal funded and fostered by the New Reformed Insane Blog Media Network.]

10 comments:

chartreuse said...

Note to self:
scratch nude photo idea...

carrie said...

i am desperate for attention and inflammatory... boring, trivial and my blog is filled with personal crap and i try to copy eccentric successful bloggers. i am fascinated with photos of myself and other bloggers and wish more blogs had photos of the blogger and his/her life.
aren't most bloggers guilty of some sort of vanity?
the desire to see their ideas on the screen... and have them responded to?

steven edward streight said...

Yeah. The problem with inventing new and stringent straightjackets for the blog nuts, is that I have must climb into the safety garment myself.

I had to scratch, "Post updates on my eternal battle with geek neck" because I deemed it off message, unfocusable, and hideously dull.

IMO, Xian said...

I have to agree, any post is livened up with photos (if tastefull, duh). It's best when they don't take up the entire screen, like if they are small or in a different collumn.
I used to read a blog where the writer took digital pictures of scenes he saw every day on his usual commute, spots on his apartment wall he caught himself staring at, pictures of himself with a specific expression to give the reader a better idea of the mood, and pictures of himself taken by his room mate.
So maybe the rule should be amended to "if the only purpose for your blog is to be a catalogue of pictures of yourself you consider flattering because you wish you were a model, be perfectly clear that this is your intention in your blog title so no one wastes their time"
You could also include a rule that more generaly demands a blogger have creativity... but I think that's too demanding.
For however long it will take a thousand monkeys to type up Hamlet, I'd think it would take a billion crappy bloggers half as much time

steven edward streight said...

When you say I'm either a genius or a lunatic, I think you're only half right.

I take photos of unposed persons, accidental surrealism, or funny signs. There is a barber shop in the industrial decay south side of Peoria...and there are like 4 or 5 bullet holes in the window of Fred's Barber Shop, right below the shop name painted on the glass of aforementioned hair cut store.

So the unintended, but untampered with semiotics is this: you can come in and get your hair cut...and your head shot. If you must.

Accidental surrealism, naturally occuring absurdity.

This comment will now turn into a new post, that's how uncreative and lazy and absurd I am.

I once heard a blogger say, or saw that they had typed, that they display photos of themselves because they don't feel comfortable with how they look.

Could discomfort be a goal? Can we inflict pain upon ourselves through our blog? This is the deep blog insight we must capture somehow.

Dave said...

As I read it, your whole post fits under #3. Is this intentional irony or can we be expecting you to stop soon?

Lemi4 aka. fERDI:) said...

Dude, did you notice? You just 3'ed to get 2.a! And it worked, look how many hits you got! Kewl... more power to ya :)

Oh, and I got here via Doc Searls.

steven edward streight said...

You poor fellers.

You think "7 Signs You Should STOP Blogging" is inflammatory? Then I don't want you fighting beside me.

Here are what I consider truly inflammatory, based on the harsh comments/hate email I received for them:

"Baby Blogging is Killing the Blogosphere"

"Dangers of Personal Blogging"

"Secret Vaspers Vocabulary"

"The Power of Hating the Company"

"Wall Street Journal Still in the Dark About Blogs"

"Inc dot com Sucks"

Steve Williams said...

Could discomfort be a goal?

Your discomfort, perhaps.

Anway, if that's the case - bring on the crap. Reading complaints about it is an intersting diversion.

Lambasting idiots?

Now THAT'S Entertainment.


I would say that the '95% of anything is crap' rule does get severly tested on the case of blogging.

I come from a genration where our family would be invited to watch endless 35mm slide projections of holidays, etc....

So at least there is a discreet way of opting out of that kind of 'forced entertainment'.

From a road safety point of view, I'm glad these people are off the streets. Shouting at traffic is demonstrably safer from the comfort of your armchair.

steven edward streight said...

Steve:

Oh, I'm discomfortable all the time in the blogosphere.

No lack of discomfort to be encountered there. So I'm never at a loss as to what I could publish a blog post about, the sea is vast and deep.

Some road rage is good, and I always ask my wife to honk the horn at idiot drivers on the road. This blaring of a horn induces a certain measure of guilt, shame, and paranoia in marginally stable persons.

We need to inflict more guilt and shame on the road, and in the blogosphere. Force em off the road.